Wellp. Zandra broke up with me. And I honestly kind of suspected it was going to happen, although I was hoping I was wrong of course.
Maybe it was for the best. She never really seemed particularly interested most of the time. She was withdrawn, didn’t like being touched, never initiated anything on her own.
But sometimes she would seem to open up slightly and give me a fluttery feeling, re-affirming my love for her.
She kept rejecting advances I made. I tried to get her to stay over or to let me stay over with her several times but she always said no. One time the excuse for not staying over was because she didn’t have a toothbrush. And of course me having spare toothbrushes didn’t matter at all.
At least it wasn’t my fault. I’ve tried. I really have. But I can only do so much if she wont let me get closer.
We didn’t talk a lot and only spent time together a couple of times a week. My hope was that getting to stay overnight would make us more comfortable with each other and make it easier to actually talk about things.
But the Europe trip showed that that didn’t work I guess. We spent three weeks together, sharing a room and for the most part a bed for this time and things stayed about as awkward. I guess another clue was when I had to insist that I didn’t want to share a room with a third person near the end of the trip.
All in all I think this has been good for me. I’ve learned a lot of things. And although I still love her a lot, and I wish I could make that stop, I don’t think we’re going to get back together a second time.
She really was a fine woman. Beautiful, nice, and smart. We enjoyed a lot of the same things. Dragons, playing games, anime etc. It was great. But if she’s not going to even try opening up and sharing things, it was doomed from the start.
Such a shame. I really was prepared to spend the rest of my life with her.
I hope she’s able to open up to someone some day.
We’ll still play games and watch movies though. I enjoy doing that with her and John (her brother) and maybe some of their other siblings sometimes.